Chrismahannakwanzikah

Every year I ask for something ridiculous for Christmas. When I was 14 it was a bass guitar. When I was 15 it was an acoustic guitar. When I was 16 it was a keyboard. When I was 17 it was a new acoustic guitar. And when I was 18 I grew up...or something. Now that my hair has started receding from my head, as if my face just stunk up the bathroom and everyone is running out to get away from the smell, I'm asking for things like...socks...money...warm hats...coupons for free back massages...and other things that emphasize my submission to aging. But this year, I asked for something really ridiculous. Actually, I don't think it's that ridiculous; but the fact that I didn't get it suggests to me that maybe it is. What I wanted for Christmas was to hear some new Christmas songs. I'm sick of hearing that damn "Baby it's cold outside" crap. If it's cold outside put a jacket on. So, I'm forced to gift myself. Here are some holiday songs (but mostly Christmas songs--sorry Jewish/other friends) that you can tap into when the holiday cheer starts to make you nauseous.

1. Bright Eyes - "Blue Christmas." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGlZY7V3qlE
We get it. The holidays are supposed to be a time for baking cookies, drinking eggnog, lighting Christmas trees and/or menorahs and generally feeling holly and jolly. But for those of us who can't help but find ourselves alone, annoyed by the sudden appearance of unwanted family members, and on the verge of breaking into a full-on drunken brawl with Uncle Albert, we can count on Conor Oberst to remind us that we're not alone when we feel alone. So are we still alone?

2. The Used - "Alone This Holiday." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhdzVJGRErI
The Used released this song on their album Maybe Memories. For further explanation, read above.

3. Brighten - "Merry Christmas Baby." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJSGDphWX1M
I don't mean to make it sound like I'm anti-holidays. Or that I typically feel alone on Christmas. But sometimes, all you want is to be around the ones you love. This acoustic song from the band Brighten perfectly captures that precise desire.

4. Marilyn Manson - "Nightmare Before Christmas."
If you haven't heard this song then you aren't worthy of any explanation I might write here.

The "Twelve Days of Christmas" Collection:
(in order of actually cool to kind of ridiculous).

1. Straight No Chaser. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28GUU1YbP_E&feature=related
Indiana University produced a male acapella group that has recently released an album. They were even awarded with a television special in which they performed their version of this timeless classic. Many people try to throw in their own variations to this song, but this is, in my expert opinion, the best I've heard. Since their original performances at IU, they have changed the song, unfortunately for the worse. I haven't been unable to find the original version, but this is the best of the remix that I've found. If I can find the original I will throw it in here.

2. Taking Back Sunday. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=detV7_95jjg
Adam and ex-guitarist Fred sit up on stools for this AOL-produced "god-forsaken song," as Fred calls it. Fred does most of the singing while Adam throws in his commentary. Worth seeing once. Emphasis on once.


As a side note, what I really wanted for Christmas was The Dark Knight. And I didn't get it. So, if you want to send it to me feel free.